Charlotte’s story – staying connected

25 September 2024

In 2015, my brother and sister were in a car accident. My sister passed away, and my brother sustained a high level spinal cord injury. He was paralysed from the chest down, and lost the use of his hands. He was 20 at the time, and I was 25.

The whole experience was shocking – and it has taken a long time to take in everything. I coped by throwing myself into work, and trying to maintain a sense of normality. I don’t think I properly processed my loss. I kept thinking that because I was the sibling, I needed to keep a level head, to keep helping my parents, to keep being useful. I think it only really hit me a couple of years ago. I started struggling with my mental health, due to all the unprocessed trauma.

Being a sibling of someone with a spinal cord injury can be isolating. I didn’t really speak to my parents about how I felt – they had enough to deal with – and I didn’t speak to friends about it, as they wouldn’t have comprehended what I was experiencing.

I started seeking help while in this bad headspace six years on, and discovered the Back Up mentoring service.

I saw a post about family mentoring on Back Up’s Instagram page. I was aware of the charity as my brother had been on their courses, but I didn’t know they supported family members too. I reached out, and Back Up paired me with someone who also has a brother with a spinal cord injury.

I remember my first mentoring session – they started the session by telling me their story, and started crying. It was such a relief to speak with someone who’d had a similar experience and understood exactly what I was going through. I felt seen.

My mentor validated a lot of the things I was feeling. As a family member of someone with a spinal cord injury, he relayed his experiences to me, and shared tips and advice he had learned over the years. It was so valuable.

My mentor was really pivotal in me getting better. Now I’m 34, living in Wales, have just finished renovating my house, and I recently got married. I would 100% recommend Back Up’s family support service to anyone else in a similar situation.

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